i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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