you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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