oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
