Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
