In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Randomize
