Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
