It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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