Tell her she can't have a vagina
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
