Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i will never coherently bang her
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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