I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
