you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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