My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
