Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
