Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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