a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
