your thong is hanging out like whoa
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
