You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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