Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dicks are not precious.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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