Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you will always have a special place in my vag
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
