my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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