My liver just broke up with me...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
