I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
