before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
