Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
