Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
