Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
