dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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