Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
