Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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