Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
