maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
birth control should be required to get into college
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
