There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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