I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
