If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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