my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
