my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
