I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
