Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
