you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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