Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
