he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
