DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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