Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
