just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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