let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
