I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I am midnight drunk by noon
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
