And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
