So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
