Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
