We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
