i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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