Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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