dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
