she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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