the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
