her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
