I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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