god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she smelled like a LAN party
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
